I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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