Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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