my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
