So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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