the new term for farting is butt boxing.
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
