So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
