I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Randomize
