People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
