Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Randomize
