He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Randomize
