fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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