I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
