i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
