I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
