Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
