yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
