so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
