I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
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i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
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There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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