well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
