Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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