oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
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shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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