i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Randomize
