oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
