Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Randomize
