Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
