All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
