I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
