If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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