the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
i wish my penis had a tongue
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
