She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
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