ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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