have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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