My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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