Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
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I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
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You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
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