omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
