Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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