I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
