Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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