32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
