I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
