Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
We need a shit load of segways right now
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize
