bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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