If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Someone shit on the floor
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
