he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Randomize
