i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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