i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
