...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Randomize
