I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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