i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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