walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
