My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
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