I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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