yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Randomize
