i permit you to call me
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
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