That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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