I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Randomize
