You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
