He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
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