a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
