We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
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