flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
So. Much. Porn.
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