I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
