Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Randomize
