Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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