you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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