So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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