i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
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