Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
the liver wants what the liver wants
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
