I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Randomize
