there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
