My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
