We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Randomize
