Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Randomize
