the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
