Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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