I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
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