I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
This is my life. Enjoy the view
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
