Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
