i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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