That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
