Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
