So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
